Whether you have to communicate common day-to-day information or “big news” about most important changes in your group, the finest communications starts with some good development.

The first stride is to put yourself in the shoes of your listener. What does the other person needs to know, and desire to hear? What’s their ideal way of receiving information? What will prevent them listening to what you have to say? And how will you identify that they have got the message?

So there’s quite a bit additional to good communications than preparing a good memo or having an excellent memory!
Here are the essential rules of good communication:

1. The speaker can speak what he or she thinks wants to be said, except for disparaging statements, make-wrongs, shaming speech, blaming terms, globalizing words. Nothing to arouse the conversation. Just facts, feelings and opinion, exact and honest.

2. The listener listens to whatever is said, fully - even when having a rejoinder. Breathing during the reactions, giving the orator the reverence of being listened to.

3. When the speaker is done with the conversation, the listener will return back to the speaker a summarized description of what the speaker said, to make sure the speaker is totally understood.

4. The speaker will take this opportunity to further make clear what he or she said and meant to say and the discussion goal(s).

5. If the speaker provided fresh information, the listener will come back with a summarized version of what the speaker said, to make sure the speaker is actually understood.

6. Now the listener gets to exchange roles with the speaker. The new speaker now speaks liberally, truly and truthfully, but cautiously.

7. The new listener gets to listen completely and later sum up what the speaker said and so on.

8. Take turns until both of you feel determined about the topic of the original conversation. Don’t finish the conversation until both of you feel resolved - don’t give up on what you wish for,need, sense, etc.

9. If tempers do burst, voices get raised, stuff are said that should not be said, get a break.

10. Soon after, when both of you are chilled out, make an apology to each other.

11. If need be, plan a time to have this conversation again, and labor through the steps again to resolution.

So you think the date you had last night was pretty ok but what if your date never calls you up after that “quite ok” first date or simply moves away? Now this definitely doesn’t sound as one of the best things to happen to you, right. But this is a common trend worldwide. Though an individual might be thinking that they had an almost perfect date, the other partner may not choose to hold the same views. Losing out after a date or two surely sounds bad enough but by observing certain pointers, this situation can be avoided easily.

In a women’s case, they need to observe certain dos and don’ts so that they are able to create a lasting impression on their dates. The best tip for them is not too dress too flashy
Dressing should be done in accordance with the situation and place they are going to be in. it may be possible that dressing in a provocative or seductive manner may let your date deem you as easy and turn him off.

Feminist!!
Similarly, women also need to keep in mind that though men appreciate their liberal status and support feminism, they would be completely upset if their date tries to act as alpha-woman while making him feel undermined. It is only fair on the part of the fairer sex to let their male counterpart believe that they are the ones who are providers and are there to take care of them.

Code of conduct
Yet another aspect which women need to keep in mind is to conduct them selves properly. Acting too clingy or too closed, either of the cases is not going to help you much. Men will rather prefer a woman who is easy to talk to and approachable.

Be a good listener
Though it is only natural for women to talk and rule the major part of the conversation, men will really like to appreciate a woman who is willing to listen to them as well and respects their opinion.

IQ matters
Also, men will not really like to date a woman who is not up to his IQ level or the one who acts too intellectual. Either of the scenarios can make the man lose interest in his date.

A cosmetic shop
Similarly, too much makeup and flashy jewelry are some other pointers which women need to keep in mind. Though make up is used to make you look beautiful, but overdoing garish make up while turning up for a date is not exactly what your date might be expecting out of you. Just remember, that guys want to go out on a date with a suitable female, not a packed up doll.

1. Be well groomed. This will increase the chance of leaving a strong and positive impression in the date.
2. Always inform if you cannot turn up for the date. It is not good to not turn up on an agreed date on the last minute.
3. Don’t be late. Punctuality is important. If you do run late, be considerate enough to call him.
4. When you first see your date, compliment him. Say something nice like “It’s really nice to see you again.” or “You look really nice.”
5. Keep and fun and enjoyable atmosphere.

Many problems in relationships are due to our own belief system which gives us an aggressive (dominating) or non-assertive (submissive) stance. This often leads to a “control” imbalance. This control imbalance almost always increases feelings of resentment and distance.

ASSERTIVE (”I WIN–YOU WIN”) POSITION
It means being sensitive to my own and other peoples’ feelings and exploring those feelings to achieve a deeper understanding of the thoughts and beliefs that cause those feelings. It means using open, honest, understanding, and caring communication.

The rewards of the assertive position include (1) being happy myself because I take care of myself well, (2) being happy giving gifts that help you be happy, (3) receiving gifts from you out of your genuine caring back, and (4) both of us feel an increased self-esteem and closeness.

AGGRESSIVE (”I WIN–YOU LOSE”) POSITION
Being aggressive (or domineering) generally involves having a belief system that puts my values and needs above yours almost to the exclusion of yours.

“BULLY TYPE” Control: The dominant/aggressive person uses some form of mental, physical, monetary, or other type of power to force or manipulate their partner.

“CON TYPE” Control: The dominant/aggressive person uses deception, lying, charm, and other verbal skills to persuade the person into doing what they want.  He/she may be a “super-salesman” at it.  The difference between “con” behavior and good, assertive communication is that the con person is lying and doesn’t plan to keep his/her word.  The assertive person is strictly honest and always intends to keep his word.

“JUDGMENTAL” Control: The dominant/aggressive person relies on rules or a “holier than thou” approach to keep their partner feeling guilty and off-balance.  The judgmental person takes the position that they are morally right, have God or some other power of right on their side and that their partner is morally wrong, stupid, or some in some other way not being “good,” “intelligent,” “kind,” “considerate,” “assertive,” “loving,” or something else that is valued by them.  The manipulative person uses these labels, etc. to get control and get their way more than because they just are trying to help the person.  Or, they may take the role of a parent constantly with a person who doesn’t need parenting.

NON-ASSERTIVE (”I LOSE–YOU WIN”) POSITION
Being non-assertive generally means having a belief system which emphasizes putting your needs or point of view ahead of my own. Often willing to go to great lengths or at great cost to myself to please the other person–even if I get little else in return.

In the long run they loose interest and respect for me and end up rejecting me after all.

Passive control. “sneaky” ways where the passive partner hopes to not get caught.

The positive and negative outcomes of non-assertiveness. The rewards for non-assertiveness include (1) having my needs “taken care of” by someone else, (2) being a “nice guy” that others like because they always get their way with me, (3) getting others’ sympathy and support, (4) avoiding anxiety, responsibilities, or having to overcome fears
Look upon every man, woman and child as your equal. As though they were symbolically a part of you. Black, white, Jew, Gentile, those that love you or those that hate you, or whatever your differences may be. We all are from the same Source, and your love for them will help them to harmonize with yours and their inner spirit which is one in the Source.

Love yourself. This will plug your awareness into your heart centre. It will enable clarity of thought and perception. Anyone who believes they truly love another but doesn’t love one’s self is deluding one’s self. Love is about finding balance, and one cannot balance with only one side of the equation. The ultimate realization here is the fact that by truly loving another, you are loving yourself. This will have profound impact on your life and that of others. To do this you have to be absolutely honest with yourself and come to accept yourself for whom you are your strengths and weaknesses. You may wish to be a brain surgeon, for example, but have not the powers of concentration needed and you may find you are equally attracted to another profession. We cannot all be leaders or brain surgeons! Nature does not create this way. Creation gives everyone a natural place and it is up to us to find that place, or forever is found wanting.

Face every adversity as a learning experience. Only you can decide whether an experience is there to face or avoid. Only love of the self and others will bring forth the realization of how to deal with any situation correctly.

Never allow guilt to interfere with your life. If you have erred, learn from it and give thanks to yourself for the opportunity you have given yourself to learn and evolve. Let the experience go and go with the flow, unfettered by unnecessary baggage. As long as you live according to the other advice you will avoid the traps of discarding guilt altogether and living recklessly. Everything has its place, even guilt and fear; but these things are not meant to be solid obstacles to life, only transient experiences to help us learn and evolve. They are like barriers on the road. If you run into them, turn the wheel and get back on the road. You will always know the road: it’s the place where the barriers aren’t!

Harm none as much as is humanly possible and do as you will.