When anyone in a relationship sits down to examine hi/her relationship the first thing that we notice is the diminishing attraction. Many people face there relation turning sour. We can not understand the root cause of things taking a different shape.

What is this evil thing?
Think about it. When you first start in on a relationship, you do certain things naturally to avoid looking like you are too needy or desperate. You go on a date once every week or two initially instead of seeing the person daily right after you’ve first met. You try to space apart your calls and not call ten times a day. You try to slowly let the person find out about you as opposed to giving them a full biography when you first meet. You do all these things, right? And all these rituals serve to pace the relationship and create a sense of wanting more. In other words, people intrinsically understand that they need to have balance and self control in order to create attraction in the initial stages of dating.

However, often as people become closer and their personal space becomes more entangled with their partner as the relationship progresses, they start to lose this sense of balance and self control, which often manifests itself in needy and clingy behavior. This is something that must be avoided at all costs, since this is the biggest killer of attraction. This bears repeating- needy behavior is by far the biggest destroyer of relationships, probably even more so than infidelity.  The qualities that made you attractive to your partner in the beginning of the relationship are now abandoned, and when the exact opposite qualities are displayed, what happens? You guessed it- the opposite of attraction.

WHAT TO DO
So, how can these kinds of needy, clingy behavior by avoided? And how exactly is needy behavior displayed?  First, neediness stems from a lack of identity. Whenever you catch yourself thinking “I can’t live without this person” or “How awful my life would be without this person” you are well on your way to losing your personal identity within the relationship. A relationship requires the love, cooperation and shared life of two individuals, but they are still individuals. Once you start feeling like you are losing your own individuality, you definitely are on the wrong track and must take a step backward and reflect.

Neediness starts with a state of mind. How does this attitude express itself outwardly? Because you are losing your identity, you start to crowd your partner’s free time and personal space. Constantly seeking their attention, not giving them space, constantly worrying about the relationship, calling excessively, asking insecure questions, showing irrational jealousy or possessiveness, panicking if you are apart, etc, are all good examples of needy behavior. Remember, neediness is an irrational mindset. The needy individual feels like they are losing control, so they try harder to regain that control. Unfortunately, instead of helping the relationship, it only serves to push the other person further away.

Remember the kiss of death to any relationship is needy behavior. It all starts with a mindset involving loss of control and individuality.  The best way to rectify this if you find yourself slipping down this slippery slope is to recognize your initial thought patterns and stop them before they affect your behavior. In the end, actions stem from feelings, and feeling come from thoughts. You are in control of your thoughts, so you’re emotions is a choice.

We get so involved with life, work and our own individual lives that we forget about our loved one and take him for granted. It becomes very important for you to take efforts to maintain the spark in your love life to make it interesting and enjoyable rather than dull and boring.

As your relationship starts to grow, it becomes monotonous and boring. Don’t panic each one of us have to face this at one point or the other in life. Here are a few tips that will help you spice up your relationship:

• Communication is the best to keep the spark in your relationship alive. Never carry on a relationship just for the heck of it. Talk out the problems you facing with your partner. Plan out and spent time with your partner to discuss the various issues.

• When the both of you come home from work always give each other a hug. This gesture of yours will make them feel loved and wanted and also that you are always there by their side. Show him your support.

• Boredom may also occur when you are spending too much time with your partner. Try and give space in your relationship. Never loose your own identity when you are in a relationship. Too often in a relationship we forget ourselves and try and imbibe the other person’s likes and dislikes. Do things which you like to do individually.

• Keep gifting things to each other. Giving non occasional gifts to each other will help you maintain the charm in your relation.

• You can also gift him things that would remind him of your first few dates together. Writing love letters might also be another innovative way to bring back the spice.

• To spice up your relationship with your partner you should always try something different and unique which he would never expect from you.

• To make your love life more exciting, take out some time and take a long vacation with your beloved so that you can fall in love with him all over again.

• Compliment your partner often to show him that you still notice him and also appreciate him for his achievements.

• You can join a dance class with your partner to spend time together and to relax with each other.

• Work on your appearance. Give yourself a different look.

If you really want to bring back spark and charm in your life go out of your way in expressing your love for him.

For any relation to flourish, it has to be nurtured with love, understanding and trust. But the fragile bond of love is broken if one is less dedicated to the relationship. This holds true when you love your boyfriend more than he loves you. You are more sincere and committed towards your relationship and hence prone to feel the depth of misery when you realize that you might be loosing him.

However, there is still time to salvage your relationship and woo him back. A little dose of retrospection, commitment and communication can do wonders to your fading relationship and give it a new lease of life.

So where do you start once you have realized that he doesn’t love you anymore. Here are a few steps that will help you pave your way to get him back.

Step 1
Retrospect on your relationship: The initial and the most important step for you is to apprehend why the relationship broke in the first place. Think about what went wrong. What were the reasons for its deteriorating? If the reasons were related to abuse-physical or mental or both then think long and hard before setting up your mind to save this relationship.

Step 2
Be ready to commit: Every relationship demands commitment and more so in your case since the foundation has gone weak. Be ready to devout time and energy to the relationship. But that certainly doesn’t mean that you start neglecting yourself. In fact go in for a make over and try to woo your boyfriend back. Socialize with your friends and try to keep yourself happy.

Step 3
Communicate: Invite and encourage him to talk to you. Be honest and open about your feelings. Ask if what went wrong was somehow related to what you’ve been doing. Your ex may have a different viewpoint!

Step 4
Be yourself: remember your boyfriend was in love with you once because you were unique, you were YOU. Don’t loose your identity and try to be someone you are not. It will only make matters worse. Be the same person he fell in love with.

Step 5
Stop clinging: It may sound weird but believe me it helps. Stop clinging and don’t sound desperate to get back. Give him a breather and let him also contemplate on the relationship. He will call you as and when he is ready.

It is easy to break off a relationship. But it is an uphill task to mend it and move forward- to forgive and forget. However, remember that the task may be difficult but not impossible if you are ready to work on it. With the above mentioned steps you have bright chances of winning your ex back.