The most asked questions by women of all ages is:” Is he is in love with me?” I have a difficult take on what is “love” and what is not?

Romantic attraction and sexual chemistry happens for a majority of men in three stages and in real life,

Even if the process of “falling in love” happens to us in only in two stages, it is actually much more difficult for us women to “fall in love” than it is for men. I am sure, this is news for some women, and even hard to believe others . So let me try to explain how easy it is to increase chemistry with a man if you know what you are working with and what you are up against.

1. The first stage of “falling in love” for a man is instant: fast and furious

Unknown to a majority of women, men fall in love at first sight even more frequently than do women. Research shows that within the first fifteen seconds, a women will have decided( sub-consciously) if she will give a guy a chance to try to” make her fall in love” or not. In the same amount of time, a man will have decided if he is “turned” on by how a woman looks or not.

While women use visual, emotions and safety (including financial) cues to assess a man’s desirability, over 90% of a man’s decision at this stage is purely based on visual cues. When his eyes lock on to women for the first time, they lock on to her visual presentation. Whatever he recognize as” suited to carry on his gene, and legacy”, that’s what he focuses on, admiring and lingering on its details. Some men get super glued on boobs, others on booties and others on legs etc. Physical features and bouncy behavior that suggests youth, health and vitality place one woman ahead of all the other pack. And if you are attentive and not trying to delude yourself or force a relationship to happen, you will know when a man is visually attracted to you. He Will Tell You- in very specific verbs and he simply can’t take his eyes off you!

Keep in mind that at this first stage, its just pure sexual chemistry. At this stage you are still dispensable and interchangeable. You’re still just another woman in the pack, and he is still very much attracted to several other women at the same time. How physically attractive a man finds you determines how much time he’ll want to spend with you, and later in the relationship “looks” confirm to him again and again why he finds you attractive. If a man is not physically attracted to you, trying to make him “fall in love” with you is like trying to wake up a dead horse you see and believe what you want to see and believe.

2. The second stage of “falling in love” for a man is when he begins to see you as unique and special

He may still be visually attracted to other women and you may be the women with the “less than perfect” body but there is just “something about you”- and it is driving him nuts. It can be the way you talk or the way you laugh or the way you think or your enthusiasm and passion, or whatever it is you do that makes him think you must feel more deeply and experience life more profoundly and therefore you must be more delightful to be with. At this stage, he pays more attention to your needs, spends more time with you and is over protective when other men try to make a move on “his women”.

3.The third stage of “falling in love” for a man is when he has convinced himself that he is a happier and more fulfilled person with you in his life than when by himself

He feels he is with the right women at the right time, and at this stage, you will not even be asking the question “Is he in love with me?” because you will know. He will have No problem declaring to you how he really feels. He might not always use the words, “I Love You”, but he manages to get his point across. Keep in mind that in this age and time “settle down” does not necessarily mean marriage to all people but it simply means “I AM WITH THE ONE”. This feeling of “I AM WITH THE ONE” is not the same thing as when he feels he “needs” you.

You will do yourself great favour if right now, here and today, you decide to exercise your power of choice to have what you want and to stop wasting time, emotions and energy on going-no-where relationships.

After the best you could do to bring back the passion and ardor you once shared with your partner, there is still something going amiss and you know not what to do. You love your mate like anything and you want to get back that sense of longing once again. Here’s an answer to your imbroglio!

The first thing you need to accept is that nothing remains constant. Time is transitory, we as people are in constant transition and so are our circumstances as well. Therefore as your bond with your mate deepens, you will undergo many experiences and stages in it when your romance may not be in its most active phase. The reasons could be anything – stress, work load, anxiety due to financial pressures, anything. In such situations, when we women see our partners losing interest in us, we try doing everything they like but still are not able to ignite their attraction for us.

Now the most important thing to be kept in mind here is that this in no terms means that love and the desire between you two has been lost. These are times when you have to not just think like a partner to your mate, but like a friend. Don’t we turn to our friends when we depressed about something? Why? Because we know that our friends will always have the compassion and empathy to understand us and guide us through the issue.

This is exactly what you need to do for your partner in these circumstances. Understand him! This may require a little more patience on your part but the best way is to let go off your expectation from him for sometime and be with him as a supporting companion. When your mate will see you are trying to be so considerate, he will automatically divulge his problems to you so that you know the reason behind his being so disparate lately. On the other hand, if instead of trying to know the reason behind his changed attitude, you start blaming him for his unlike behavior, he will only try to move away from you. Unless your partner feels that you really want to know what is going on in his life, he won’t share it with you. Your understanding with him should be such that he himself comes to you shares his blues with you.

Thus the idea here is to be his best friend and never let him feel lonely or take refuge in his own secret world. All you have to do is be a little compassionate and act patiently whenever you see your partner behaving otherwise!

Fear can destroy even the best of bonds. It stands as the only poison which can slowly devour a relationship even when everything else is just right. Whether it be doubt surrounding you, arrogance, impatience or stubbornness, each of these features arise from fear and hence can not only lead to relationship failure but also self destruction and self-deprecation.

I have often seen women brooding over their partner’s flaws. Yes indeed, I understand your plight but whether or not you want to be a part of that anxiety for long is a choice only you can make. If you see that your partner doing something you don’t like and you start becoming arrogant or intolerant wit him, do you think it will help in any way? I’m sorry to say it won’t. The best way to erase this glitch from your relationship is to first let your partner have his space and then talk to him patiently about it. If he truly loves you, he’ll accept it and realize his mistake with full grace. If not, don’t panic.

Fear can be disastrous as it can cause you to be unreasonably possessive for your mate. Every individual needs to have his own space to think and learn things in his own way. You must understand that being over pensive about every action your partner can make him feel strangled and suffocated. If you lift yourself a bit higher in thought, you’ll realize that everyone needn’t always according to your will. As long as there is warmth and spark in your bond, you should be compassionate enough to let your mate live his life in his own way.

Also fear is a by-product of the false personality and when you shift your identification. A major life task each lifetime is to erase the neutralizing effect of this chief feature so that you can reach your goal. So learn to live life with a happy heart, taking everything in your stride. If your partner is truly yours, he’ll never elude you and if you two are not meant to be, how much ever you try to impress him, he’ll still leave. So just keep yourself calm and experience the joy of life. Always remember that happy things come to happy people! Fear has no role to play in it!